Rev. Jackie Hibbard
Mark 10:35-45
James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came forward to him and said to him, ‘Teacher, we want you to do for us whatever we ask of you.’ And he said to them, ‘What is it you want me to do for you?’ And they said to him, ‘Grant us to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your glory.’ But Jesus said to them, ‘You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I drink, or be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with?’
They replied, ‘We are able.’ Then Jesus said to them, ‘The cup that I drink you will drink; and with the baptism with which I am baptized, you will be baptized; but to sit at my right hand or at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared.’ When the ten heard this, they began to be angry with James and John.
So Jesus called them and said to them, ‘You know that among the Gentiles those whom they recognize as their rulers lord it over them, and their great ones are tyrants over them.
But it is not so among you; but whoever wishes to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you must be servant of all.
For the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life a ransom for many.’
a blessing for those who serve others by Kate Bowler https://katebowler.com/blessings/a-blessing-for-those-who-serve-others/
So bless you all in these beautiful, terrible contradictions.
You who serve others, knowing it comes at a steep cost.
That time you’ll never get back.
Those people who won’t ever be as grateful as you hope.
The paycheck or PTO or benefits that will never add up to enough.
May you be reminded that maybe you were called for such a time as this.
To pour out your great, great gifts for the sake of the other.
To work toward this beautiful, terrible interdependence.
(Even if community is much easier in theory than in practice.)
And on the days where you feel like your work is just a drop in the ocean.
Or you want to throw in the towel Because you are far beyond burnout.
May joy and delight be yours, my dears, and may it fuel the hard, beautiful work you do.
And hey, if you are just beginning a move toward service, may you have the eyes to see the needs in front of you, the places where your gifts and passions and resources meet your community’s deep needs.
Or if you’re just starting to ask for help yourself, bless you.
May your courage be met with kindness.
You are all my favorite kinds of people and I love you. Bless you.
Healing from Toxic Leadership: Leadership Lessons from Horses
Today, we continue our series Healing in a Hurting World that Nicole started us on a few weeks ago. She has offered so many invitations regarding opportunities for healing. This sermon has been simmering for awhile and the preparation and reflections went lots of different directions before some clarity started to come as I reflected on and prayed with the gospel story Nicole read for you this morning.
I am struck by the gospel story and how little things have changed since the first century in regards to people vying for status and power in leadership. First James and John try to corner Jesus asking him to do whatever they ask of him. They ask to sit in positions they see as powerful - sitting at the right and left hands of Jesus when he is ruler. And then the others hear of it and get mad. I can envision the chaos and arguing about who deserves what status, what power, who should lead, and on and on. In the movie in my mind there is yelling, back biting, rumors, misinformation, half truths being twisted, and some words of flattery towards Jesus.
Maybe it sounds familiar. I follow historian Heather Cox Richardson on social media and I love how she brings history into our contemporary goings on. I listened to her podcast interview this week with Brene Brown on her podcast Unlocking Us and I recommend giving it a listen. In the interview, she talked about our American history through today and the various people who utilized these kinds of tactics to grab or retain political power. For me it resonates with the kind of status seeking and power the disciples were wanting. To me it feels toxic, which I know is a word that is getting thrown around a lot lately, but for me it fits. It fits then and it fits now.
But Jesus didn’t buy into the maneuvering the disciples were trying. He offered a different model and said, To be a leader, be a servant like me. Serve people. Serve each other. Give without expecting anything in return. We are all in this together.
I’m sure the disciples were taken aback at this very different model of being in leadership. Not being at the top and at the right and left of the leader Jesus. What a very radical model Jesus offered. Service above everything else.
One commentator says, “I think that the way to understand it is to care less about where we end up in the power hierarchy and to care more about how we’re treating and viewing others as we go about our lives. The Jesus way shapes a different understanding of power and how to wield it…. In so many different ways, human beings across cultures and times have fallen into a way of thinking about greatness that runs counter to the design God has. Jesus literally gives his whole life (not just his death) to living in the way God intended. His life should be our measure of greatness.” (CHELSEY HARMON https://cepreaching.org/commentary/2024-10-14/mark-1035-45-4/)
I don’t know about any of you, but I have my share of stories about toxic leadership. So many in fact, it is a small miracle that I am here working alongside the two Nicole’s in ministry. After many experiences in work environments, I thought I’d never work for or with anyone again because it was too painful to be betrayed and hurt by people in leadership. People I worked with more like the disciples than I care to admit and remember. I had a post traumatic stress response when I started to think of instances in which so-called leaders used their power to hurt, spread rumors and outright lies, exaggerate, berate, and undermine.
At my last hospice job I coached a woman for a year in hospice management and then she became my supervisor. I thought we had a good relationship and had built trust and understanding and a co-working style. But, come to find out, she did not like my collaborative management style with the team and how close we all were, so she spent the next several months making my work life miserable. She told higher leadership I said and did things that never happened and I was being watched closely by HR. Literally the head of HR started sitting outside my office listening to phone calls, how I interacted with people in the office and as I ran meetings. My supervisor made phone calls to each of the people I supervised asking questions, making insinuations about how I was playing favorites, told people I outright didn’t like them and was trying to get rid of them and what a terrible manager I was. Over the course of a few months the team I spent years working with and building began losing trust in me and in each other and things started falling apart. It became clear I needed to leave to save myself, my heart, my self esteem. It was not an environment I wanted to be part of, so I left.
The examples of toxic leadership in our lives, our businesses, politics and even churches are bountiful. I bet we all have them. And Jesus preached and modeled a different way - a way of serving people. Putting others first, lifting others up, building community.
In seminary, I was introduced to womanist, queer theologian Carter Heyward. Her book, Touching Our Strength was important for me in the reconstruction of my theology and the development of how I want to be in the world. She helped me put words to what I was longing for but hadn’t yet found and then worked for years to find and build.
She talked about Power in “right relation.”( p9) Not power-over in domination, but being in right relation with one another - serving and learning alongside without someone needing to take over. Allowing everyone to use their gifts to the best of their ability and to know that each of our gifts are good and needed. Putting everyone’s gifts all together is the goal.
She said, “Heroes show us who we are not. Helpers show us who we are. …Helpers call us forth in relation and strengthen our sense of ourselves.” (p.11) “We do not need more domination and submission. We do not need to be shaped, named, and governed by others or patronized by those who believe they know what’s best for us. But we need one another.” (p 22)
We do need one another. We live in community, as messy as it is sometimes. We are called to find ways to serve, to help others shine. To use our gifts wisely in service to the community and world so that everyone thrives.
And I can hear some of you thinking that this is naive and idealistic.
And Jesus said, serve.
Which brings me to horses. Some of my greatest healing and learning about healthy leadership has come from being with and observing horses. If there is one thing horses do, it is use their gifts to serve the whole and allow others to serve them.
In case you are new to CUCC and to me, almost 20 years ago I was bitten by the horse bug and I haven’t been the same since. After my experience in Clinical Pastoral Education with equine facilitated learning and being on the receiving end of some powerful horse wisdom and teaching, I vowed to learn more so that I could offer what I received from the horses to other people. In 2016 I completed an equine learning and coaching certification program, so now I partner with my wonderful herd of horses to help others find healing and transformation through the wisdom of the horse. It is part of my ministry in the world.
Here are a few of my learnings from observing and interacting with horses that have helped me heal and lean into new ways of leadership and I think speak to what Jesus was teaching and modeling.
Be present & own your feelings/emotions/your stuff - Horses are beings who live in the now. They are not generally thinking about the past or holding grudges towards a horse that did something they didn’t like yesterday. If there is a kerfuffle, they work it out in the moment and then go back to grazing, their version of harmony. Horses are not thinking about the future. They live in the present moment and invite us to do the same. This creates a safe environment for the herd and allows them to interact with one another with clarity and no games. They have to know what is going on with each other - if one is not feeling well it affects the whole herd.
In my own herd I’ve watched the horses stay close to one who is hurt or colicky to help provide comfort and safety. If the lead is tired, they are clear and then whoever is number two steps up to take over the position for a bit so rest can happen. It’s seamless and adds to the cohesiveness and safety of the whole.
When you are with a horse you must be fully present. If you are all up in your head ruminating about whatever, it is unsafe for you and the horse. It’s when the most accidents happen. But it’s also true that if you aren’t owning how you're feeling and you are showing a mask and acting as if everything is “fine”, the horses can see right through it. It’s better to be upfront and honest and congruent because it creates safety. I tell people if you are scared, anxious, angry or whatever, tell your horse and as they do, the horse relaxes because the person is being honest. When they don’t, the horses do such things as move away or put their ears down or stomp their feet.
Wouldn’t it be great if everyone we interact with was honest about how they are feeling so we aren’t left guessing? Have you ever been around someone whose body language and demeanor indicate that something is up but when you ask the person says “everything’s fine” with a lot of energy and a scowl. You know it’s not true and it makes you uncomfortable and not want to be around them.
In this way, leaning into being truthful, honest and congruent serves you and others around you. Maybe others can offer you some support or comfort when it’s needed rather than continuing to isolate or run away. Lean into asking for what you need so that others can serve you.
Modify your style based on what people need - When you spend time with horses you notice that sometimes horses lead from the front of the herd, sometimes from the back and sometimes side by side. Sometimes their energy is small and sometimes it is really big. It’s never the same all the time. They modify based on what is needed. And they need the same style from the humans who interact with them.
In the wild and even in domestic herds, if a threat is approaching, the lead horse must signal to the rest of the herd so that they can get to safety.
For example, if a hungry mountain lion approaches the herd, the lead horses must notice and signal the rest of the herd so that they can run and escape in an instant. If the signal they send is small and nonchalant indicating run if you want to, then someone is going to be dinner. There is nothing subtle about the message the lead horse sends. They are up front, have big energy and are clear.
There are some horses whose job it is to lead from behind. It’s their job to bring up the rear, to subtly guide the herd making sure no one gets left behind. A wild band of horses moves constantly looking for food and water. The lead mare or stallion is up front and the horse in the back is there to make sure young or old ones stay with the rest of the herd. They guide and nudge when needed.
And sometimes horses are shoulder to shoulder, side by side. This kind of leadership is seen most often with a mare and her baby foal. The mom keeps the baby right next to her teaching them how to walk, run, where to go, etc.
And when you work with horses you learn about how to modulate your energy. Sometimes you are quiet and subtle, sometimes you need to get a little bigger, and in some cases you have to get really big.
All of this is important if you want to do something as simple as walk a horse on the ground or when you are in the saddle.
But it also translates to working with people and being a healthy leader. Sometimes you lead from up front, sometimes you lead and guide from behind and sometimes you lead side by side. Right now I’m up front preaching, at 9am I was side by side as we explored and reflected on the readings, and sometimes I’m in the background while someone else is up front.
Jesus did the same thing - He was up front teaching a lot. Sometimes he was walking side by side with people along the road and always he was guiding and shepherding the followers and seekers.
This creates a safe environment for all and allows others to lead and guide and share their gifts to serve the group too.
Clear, consistent communication - Nothing is worse than someone who sends mixed messages or doesn’t communicate at all. Jesus did not do that. He was pretty consistent in messaging that love and serving is the way forward with God or the Good as the Gospel of Mary Magdalene offers. How Jesus showed up with disciples was the same as with religious and political leaders as with people he met on his travels.
Horses are clear in their communication as well. I can tell immediately when our horse Anu is having a day when he is wanting to receive love and attention through touch and when he wants to be left alone or when he wants to be the giver of love and attention. I simply need to read it and allow it. When he wants me to groom and pet him, as I approach and talk to him, his ears are perked up and he often will gently nuzzle me. His head is low and his back leg cocked and relaxed. When he does not want to receive, his ears go back and his head is high signaling no touch. If I stand there next to him and he wants to offer me something, his head gets low and he will gently bump me with his head in the place in my body I need attention. My arms most often, but another friend who comes to help, it’s always her heart. He bumps us where we need to pay attention. It’s amazing. And he’s clearly communicating all the time if only we pay attention and honor it.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if humans clearly communicated their needs, desires, requests, intentions? Wouldn’t it be great if it was the same every time rather than having to guess or find out the hard way that what we did or said was wrong but last time it was okay? Oh my gosh we are exhausting when it comes to how we communicate or don’t.
What if we were consistent in our communication? What if we owned that we are having a hard time or are overwhelmed rather than projecting or blaming someone else and sending a hasty email or making a biting comment? What if our actions reflected our communication consistently too? What would change and what would be possible?
Everyone has a role in the herd and relationships matter - Horses are prey animals. They need one another to survive and most importantly, thrive. Horses are not meant to live alone. Humans aren’t either. In a herd of horses there is a herd order but unlike humans who project worth and value of people based on where they are in the hierarchy, horses value each other and their role equally.
In the wild it looks like this, “The lead mare sets the direction and pace of the herd. The lead stallion keeps the herd together and protects it from predators. Each member of the herd has a role in protecting the health of the herd. All of the horses in the herd contribute to the socialization of new or young members, teaching them what behaviours are acceptable and correcting those who could behave in ways that could compromise the health of the herd. The overwhelming goal of the herd leadership is to create unity, harmony and collaboration whilst keeping the herd safe. … They need to foster an environment free of danger and give the herd members a sense of belonging, the power to make decisions and offering trust and empathy. ” (https://leadchangegroup.com/leadership-according-horse/)
In this sense, leadership is shared. Each herd member contributes their gift and power to the whole. What each offers is valued and needed for the whole to survive and thrive.
Imagine a world where we valued each person and their contributions equally. Imagine a world where our gifts were used to serve one another and the community so that everyone thrives and no one is left behind. To realize that we need one another and what each offers is important and is valued.
That’s not socialism, this is what Jesus was talking about - serve one another. Or as Kate Bowler said in her blessing, “pour out your great, great gifts for the sake of the other. To work toward this beautiful, terrible interdependence.”
These are just a few of the leadership lessons I have learned from horses. I could go on and on.
How about you? What resonates with you today? Have you experienced toxic leadership? What leadership qualities do you value? How do you serve?
People of God, use your gifts to serve others. To quote Kate Bowler,
“May you be reminded that maybe you were called for such a time as this. To pour out your great, great gifts for the sake of the other. To work toward this beautiful, terrible interdependence.(Even if community is much easier in theory than in practice.)”
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